Friday, January 13, 2012

Sorting It Out

I recieved a very loving message from my dear friend Olivia today, and it inspired me to ramble on forever in a reply message that ended up being very therapeutic. I decided I'd share.

"It is amazing, isn't it, how happy and beautiful my son is? I am just so so so relieved by that fact every day. Somehow, through the frustration and fear and struggles he's got on his plate right now, he smiles every day. He hugs me every day. He kisses Mike goodbye when he leaves for work every day. He is funny every day. I'm repetitive, but this child is so many levels of blessing EVERY DAY that I just can't say enough. He is an amazing, smart, loving, brilliant ray of sunshine in my life.

"Right now, he needs a little more love, attention, help, and patience from me, and that's ok. We're going to walk this road- this bumpy, windy, where-the-hell-is-it-heading road- and see where it goes. Like I encouraged you a minute ago, we're just riding the tide.

"Coming to terms with fear is a hard thing. I've been afraid of this (this diagnosis, this struggle, etc) since Aaron was 18 months old. Now it's here, staring me in the face. I am happily surprised to find that I'm not in a crying heap on the floor (or at least I wasn't for very long). I realized how brave I can be this week. That's so valuable. I learned the meaning of unconditional love this week. That's immeasurable. And I was reminded that I am not alone- my husband, my family, my precious and generous friends like you... I'm overwhelmed by it all. How for every second of fear, I've gotten double the love. Mind blowing."

I wrote more stuff to just her, but this was the real meat and potatoes of my sort-it-out reply. I came to a good, healthy, loving and peaceful place tonight.

Can I get an "amen"? 

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